superkayles87 (superkayles87) wrote in dysmorphic_bdd,

Need support!

Hi everybody,

I'm new to this, I just need people to talk to who are going through the same thing. I was diagnosed with BDD 9 years ago (when I was 17), but truthfully, I think I've had it all my life. From childhood, I spent hours staring in the mirror obsessing that my eyes were too small, my nose and ears were too big, picking at teeny blemishes on my skin until I'd be crying. I've suffered from bulimia, anorexia and EDNOS and now I'm starting to obsess over my weight again. I got REALLY chunky in the 2-3 years before I got pregnant and then during pregnancy everybody commented on how big I was (which was just fucking great!). The pregnancy weight fell off quite quickly and I dieted and exercised, but now I can't stop. I'm only just heavy enough for my height, but I weigh myself 3-4 times a day. If I overeat one day, I vow to starve myself the next and have to tell the little voice in my head saying "go throw up" to shut up. I obsess over my body and sometimes people don't understand that you genuinely HATE how you look, which makes you feel worse. It's that horrible sinking feeling when you walk through the cake aisle in the supermarket and know that you can't eat any of it and wearing old clothes because the thought of going into a shop and trying things on makes you start to hyperventilate!
It's so frustrating when people think that BDD sufferers are just attention seekers! BDD sufferers are 45 times more likely to commit suicide than non-sufferers and I've taken a few deliberate overdoses of paracetamol (not for 3 and a half years, but there have been about 7) and I used to self-harm. It also scares me that my low self-esteem and twisted body image could rub off on my little girl and she'll grow up suffering from eating disorders and not realising how beautiful she is.
Thanks anybody who read this, I just really need to talk to people going through the same thing x
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